Since we’re still basking in the afterglow of yesterday’s spa treatment (and metabolizing the mimosas), I thought I’d take the time to clear out some digital miscellany from the trip.
But first, Happy Birthday to our good friend, Jill, who is back in the states. Although it is her big day here in the time zone where I type this, it’s technically still yesterday where she is, and that’s just the type of thing that will confuse the hell out of her, so there’s a gift that’s going to just keep on giving. In Portuguese, Happy Birthday is literally Feliz Aniversário and more personally, Parabéns. The Portuguese for confused is confusa.
Jill is the one on the right.
Speaking of birthdays, a fair number of the bartenders at the hotel bar are coincidentally celebrating April birthdays while we are here. We have tipped them generously as a result. Then it occurred to me that they might be selling that same line to all tip-obsessed, American guests every month just for that exact response. The Portuguese for sucker is pateta.
At this price, it seems like if I could stuff enough of these into my checked bag, the airfare would practically pay for itself.I feel like the Heinz Company intentionally keeps secrets from Americans.But weight, there’s more.Many of the independent restaurants are backstreet, diorama-sized affairs that always make me feel like I’m crouching down to eat in some kid’s treehouse.And speaking of giant Americans, I think the hotel robe shrank.Tempting, but I don’t know that I can get a nice souvenir duck through customs.This is an actual display in the tea museum where they manually separate the leaves from the stems and seeds. In highschool, we just used an album cover.
I’m no vet, but this gato appears to be about 16 months pregnant. If it gives birth in April, I’m sure the kittens can find work at the hotel bar.A Kahuna GrandeSeeing a Portuguese man o’ war the very first time you step onto a Portuguese beach feels a lot like seeing a deer standing next to a deer crossing sign. Haven’t seen one since.Bottle-nosed dolphins, however, are far more common.This statue of Antonio de Oliveira sits in the middle of the small town where we are staying. The plaque vaguely alludes to the fact that ‘ol Stoney Tony helped boost the development of the town, and I can’t seem to find out anything else about him. I even asked the hotel bartenders, but they knew nothing other than that his birthday is probably in April.If Stony Tony were an emoji.Speaking of emojis, all the urinals at the Amsterdam airport have these fun little cartoons to help you focus your aim after a Heinekin-filled layover. They include golf holes, targets, snowflakes, etc. As I stood in front of the urinal and took this picture at waist level, I can only assume it appeared from urinal adjacent patrons that I was just casually taking a “selfie” to flesh out my Grindr profile. I don’t think you appreciate the lengths I go to for your amusement, dear reader.I wonder if they are related to Jeffrey. (Switch to Groucho Marx voice) And I wonder what’s in the combo platter.That’s about all I have for now, so beam me up, Jorge.
The Hillbilly Viking 
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