Category: Uncategorized
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#15 Left Turn
This has been an amazing vacation, and so far Finland is my favorite European country to date. Although saddened by the prospect of leaving, we know it’s time. I’ve eaten so much fish here that when I cut myself shaving this morning, my mercury-rich blood formed little balls and rolled around on the bathroom counter.…
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#14 Vinjetteja
Finnys I have never seen so many young, thin, blonde, aloof, beautiful women in one place in my life. It’s like a Taylor Swift concert is perpetually letting out in the streets of Helsinki. They’re simply everywhere, traveling alone and in packs. We’ve resorted to referring to them simply as Finnys, which is verbal shorthand…
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#13 One-Eighty
We left the land of the midnight sun and have returned to Helsinki for a few days before we fly back to Atlanta—the land of the midnight gun(fire). Our new, west-side hotel is a ridiculously opulent, top-floor, balcony affair that will likely dip unfavorably into my 401k and force an unfortunate reduction in future nursing…
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#12 Satunnainen
So it’s definitely time to post the pictures that are filling up my iphone like so many naked Finns in a sauna.
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#11 Silent Night of the Living Dead
Since I have a completely rational fear of vampires like everyone else, I was acutely aware that the three hours of nightly darkness we experienced in Helsinki still left a window of opportunity to become a victim of the undead. Add that to the spooky, Transylvania vibe we got from Estonia, and obviously it was…
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#10 Shape of You
We are sitting in the lounge bar of an ocean ferry listening to an Estonian band do absolutely no favors to an Ed Sheeran song. You surely know the tune, but it took me until the last verse to even recognize it. I honestly don’t know what lasting contributions Estonia has made to the world,…
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#9 Long Shot
In the 1950’s, our planet’s superpowers were locked in a resource-inhaling, space race. The communists scored early points with their canine killing, Sputnik program, but our own hometown capitalists claimed ultimate victory by landing a man on the moon to play a billion dollar hole of golf. During that same time frame, the Finns were…
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#8 Rude Food
Most of the food stalls down by Helsinki harbor serve vendace, which appears to be a big basket of jumbo, deep-fried guppies (with a side of dill sauce). As a child, I knew guppies to be the cute little fish you brought home in a clear bag, named, and then transferred to the toilet one…
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#7 Thanks a lot!
Out of necessity, I learned the Finnish word for thank you. It’s kiitos, and it’s pronounced KEY TOES (rhymes with Cheetos). I find myself using it a lot. Server: (Handing me a heaping plate of salmon) Me: Kiitos Server: (Handing me a heaping plate of reindeer) Me: Kiitos Server: (Handing me a heaping plate of…
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#6 Veni, vedi, venti!
We came, we saw, we ordered a large Starbucks! Patty cracked today. She hasn’t had a Starbucks in over 5,000 miles, and her symptoms were telling. The trembling hands, the random babbling, and the spotty drool—I’ve seen it before. Fortunately, Finns drink more coffee per capita than any other nation, so we had options. Since…
The Hillbilly Viking 