The Hillbilly Viking

We are sitting in the lounge bar of an ocean ferry listening to an Estonian band do absolutely no favors to an Ed Sheeran song. You surely know the tune, but it took me until the last verse to even recognize it. I honestly don’t know what lasting contributions Estonia has made to the world, but my first guess wouldn’t be anything to do with music. However, to be honest, a few weeks ago, I would have not placed a sure bet on whether Estonia was a country or the name of a discontinued Hyundai model. 

We took the ferry out of Helsinki this morning and crossed the Baltic Sea in something less than three hours. Thanks to the band, it seemed a lot longer coming back. All in all, we spent more time on the Baltic Boblo Boat than we did visiting Estonia. I’m OK with that because as far as the capital city of Tallinn is concerned, let’s just say it was a beautiful day for a boat ride. 

I’m sure that under the right circumstances, Estonia is a delightful little country. The old downtown in Tallinn is quintessential, medieval European charm with a schlocky veneer of souvenir stands and tourist pubs. Imagine a renaissance festival in Akron with a more authentic venue. 

To me, it just came off as cheap. Although it seems the visiting Finns recognize that as its most endearing quality. Many of the Finns on the ferry back to Helsinki were pulling carts, baby strollers, and wagons full (and I mean full) of hard liquor, wine, and cases of Long Drinks. Hand to heart, we saw a little Finn girl, no older than eight, carrying a low-cost box of Chardonnay because Mommy’s hands were full of vodka. 

The takeaway: Estonia is Helsinki’s Costco, and Finns are not above using their children as liquor mules. 

Kippis! (Cheers!)